Corporal’s Log

OK, now let’s get this clear straight away … I am not a Captain. It takes many years of practice to become a Captain and I am far too young to have achieved this accolade! Thus, this is not a Captain’s log, but one of a lesser mortal.

So, here we are on day 1 of our epic adventure. Things didn’t start particularly well when we were preparing to leave yesterday, but as in the words of that immortal song, “Things can only get better”! Let me explain …

I arose yesterday morning with a spring in my step looking forward to our journey to Puerto de la Cruz. Going through my usual checks; passports, money, keys, camera, iPhone, iPad, wallet … I discovered a major problem – I couldn’t find my ‘French’ wallet which contains my driving licence, (needed for our hire car), and my Post Office credit card which I use abroad. I turned the place over – lounge, kitchen, dining room, (that didn’t take long there is no furniture in it!), bedrooms, my car, Captain Clarke’s car, the garage, the greenhouse … all to no avail. I had checked my blood pressure first thing in the morning, (I could have won prizes for how good it was!), but wouldn’t dare now!! Think, think, think … Captain Clarke helpfully suggested that maybe I had dropped it on our way back from France last time, (blood pressure now at lift off point!), but I kept thinking there was something else. Then I remembered … I have been to both Milan and Amsterdam since then and would have taken the wallet with me. It MUST be in my briefcase which is in … the office. A quick phone call to the office and sure enough it was found.

Problem number two then reared its ugly head. iPad hell!!! My iPad, which had been playing up for a few weeks went into melt down. Well, actually, it went into spontaneous reboot mode which I couldn’t stop. Captain Clarke had previously found a very helpful article about this on the Interweb which explained exactly what to do to resolve it. I followed these steps to no avail and, on checking the last step if all else had failed, I found that it said it was probably kaput! Not what I wanted 3 hours before we were due to depart. So, we left for the office to collect my wallet and then on to Crawley to the iStore to see if they could help. They couldn’t!

We came to an executive decision. We would see if we could procure a replacement iPad at Heathrow before boarding our flight. Feeling a slight sense of relief we left. Uncle Bulgaria from next door very kindly gave us a lift to the station, (Ah, I forgot to mention that they had decided to carry out ’emergency roadworks’ and had shut the Godstone bypass, so the whole area was completely gridlocked! As we passed the said ’emergency roadworks’ it looked to me like they had stripped the entire top road surface, however …). On the train to London I had a small brainwave – I Googled, to see if I could find an iPad at Heathrow, (obviously not on my iPad which was still rebooting every 20 seconds), and found the Dixons/Currys/Carphone Workhouse sell them at Heathrow. It took very little time to also work out that although they don’t say so, they imply that they have the latest models where in fact all of the models of iPad that they sell are at least one generation older! I was not amused.

The solution to iPad hell!

A solution occurred to me – when we arrived at Victoria we got a taxi straight to Regents Street, walked in, (goodness knows what they thought of two chaps wandering in with suitcases et al), procured an iPad and got another taxi to Paddington where we got a Heathrow Express to Heathrow! Having arrived in the BA Lounge, (very good!), I proceeded to take out the new iPad, connect to the free WiFi and set it up. All went well, although my main reason for being so distraught about the loss of the iPad was that it had all my reading material for the holiday on it. I attempted to download this but the WiFi was too slow and I failed. Never mind. When we got to the hotel, (more in a moment), I used the WiFi there and all is well in the world of iPads! (Oh, and the verdict of the very helpful ‘Genius’ in Apple on my old iPad … “That’s buggered mate!”)

So, in time, we boarded our flight. It was operated by Iberia Express. What can I say? On the plus side the food was actually very good. A nice steak served with ‘Pimientas de Padron’, caramelised onion and tomato. To begin there was a very nice fennel salad and the dessert looked interesting, (although I was told by Captain Clarke that I wouldn’t like it, so I didn’t get to taste it!). The wine was not bad, (mine better than Captain Clarke’s who chose differently), and the coffee was OK. That is the plus side. The down side – the seats in Business Class were about the most uncomfortable seats I have ever had the displeasure of sitting in! I cannot begin to imagine what they must have been like down the back! There was no leg room, (and I am not known for needing a lot!), they were cramped, hard and the whole thing was more of an endurance test than a pleasure. Having said that, the flight was uneventful, (even if the air had quite a lot of lumps in it in places), and we arrived on time in Tenerife North.

One thing I must say about this whole Expedia experience, it has gone without a hitch. Everywhere we have been I have not needed to produce any form of confirmation or anything, everyone has simply been expecting us. On arrival in Tenerife we discovered that the Hertz desk was in the arrivals hall as well as being available on the outside. We went straight to the desk and were met by a very helpful man who sorted out our contract immediately and gave us the keys to our Mini, (photo later). Although I would say that if you are not a Spanish speaker, he isn’t the man for you! Having got the keys, we went to the belt to collect our luggage. Uncle Bulgaria would, at this point, have been doing his nut! Despite our bags being marked as priority, they were near to last arriving, but they did eventually arrive.

We walked out to our car and drove out of the airport. First error, I realised I was driving without lights and I couldn’t find them anywhere! We eventually pulled over and after searching for several minutes found them. Second error, I didn’t have the address of the hotel and the car doesn’t have SatNav! Good old Apple Maps came to the rescue and once I had educated Captain Clarke that you have to press ‘Start’ to get it to guide you on your route, all was well. We arrived at our hotel at about 11pm.

The hotel lobby

We were guided to our room by a very helpful porter who insisted on carrying our bags for us, (despite not wanting a tip!), and, once we had put things in the room, we headed for the bar for a quick drink. In the bar were a singing couple who were providing entertainment. Captain Clarke didn’t much care for them, (and it is certainly true that here voice was a little … flat!), but I thought it was a vast improvement on piped music and they were OK. It was, I have to admit, the first time I have ever heard ‘Wake me up before you go, go’ from a thick Spanish accent, but it was different! I concluded that she was a Brit and had come out to Tenerife for a bit of fun – ended up shagging the piano player and so was now stuck out here. Her CV will read, ‘Currently a singer on the International Circuit’ – otherwise known as earning a crust wailing in hotels in a holiday resort! Oh, I am cruel!!!

Having enjoyed a small drink, we retired to our room. I can honestly say I have had the best night’s sleep I have had in ages! I only woke once in the night and instead of worrying about whether X client would pay their bill, or Y supplier was ever going to deliver, or which naff country am I going to be in this week, the only thing that worried me was whether the forecast rain for Friday would last all day! What a fabulous night!

Breakfast ‘en terrasse’

I awoke this morning at 9am(!), and, having showered and dressed, Captain Clarke and I went down for breakfast. We decided to sit ‘en terrasse’ as the forecast rain isn’t here at the moment and the weather is stunning! We’re off into town shortly on the hotel courtesy bus and the adventure will continue! All I can say is, now that we’re here – so far, so good!