Ah! To rise again …

Trying to upload a flaming survey from the Concorde Lounge at Heathrow!

And so, my friends, once more it is time for RudyMenTerry to waken from his slumber. Captain Clarke and myself have departed for another adventure … this time to our beloved India. We rose yesterday morning to a glorious sunny day. After the desperately cold weather of last week, it was quite a change and very welcome indeed. We took our usual morning stroll with our trusted hound in between our work commitments, creating a newsletter for a certain club (not our usual kind – rarely any alcohol in sight!), updating a website for the same, uploading a survey document to a printers and filling in a variety of ‘urgent’ forms. It was with some relief that our very good friend Simon transported us to the airport for our departure. Upon arrival at Heathrow we located our dedicated checkin (at the other end of the airport to that where we arrived!) and were greeted with exceptional courtesy and service. We passed through our own dedicated entrance to the lounges and through our own dedicated security, on through the business class lounge and into the Concorde Lounge. This was first class … no, I mean this was First Class! Through a little research and flexibility, I had managed to find us some First Class flights that were as cheap (and in some cases cheaper) than Business Class. It did mean breaking my 7½ hour rule and flying direct on a 8½ hour flight, but I felt I could put up with it!

Captain Clarke with his first glass of bubbly on the flight to Delhi

And so it was, that we found ourselves ensconced in the Concorde Lounge and, believe it or not, drinking non-alcoholic cocktails. Not because we have found sobriety but because we felt we had a long night ahead of us! Once we reached the aircraft and had successfully turned left (guided by a member of cabin crew who was, frankly, as camp as a row of pink tents on top of Everest!) we settled into our ‘suite’ as British Airways like to call them. A glass of champagne was immediately placed in our hands and all seemed well with the world! We were on the aircraft quite early which gave us a good opportunity to inspect our quarters for the night and to ensure that all was satisfactory. It seemed that it was. The ‘suite’ had a main seat which was adjustable in just about every direction possible, a dining and writing table that pulled out, a large screen for entertainment and another seat for guests (should one want to invite anyone in). The main seat converted to a full length bed (6’6″) and, once done, a duvet and pillows would be provided. We were provided with our own pyjamas (did you know that this is originally an Indian word meaning ‘leg’ and ‘clothing’!) and slippers, along with our wash bag and accoutrements. All very satisfactory.

The other end of our suite has a small seat for guests to sit in. I used it to store various items given to us for the flight.

In all honesty, it would be difficult to criticise the environ. Everything is electronic and there was even a guide as to what each button did. Once in the air, Captain Clarke decided to watch ‘The Darkest Hour’ which he reported to be very good indeed. I decided to watch the Oscar tipped (and Best Actress Oscar winner) film ‘Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri’. British Airways listed this film as a ‘comedy’ but I am here to assure anyone considering watching it, it is most certainly not a comedy. If I am to be totally honest about this film, I did not like it very much at all. I am no stranger to the odd bit of profanity but this was unbelievable! From the very start the language used was both shocking and, frankly in my opinion, unnecessary. I don’t believe that that amount of bad language added to the film at all. I don’t recommend it. I paused the film whilst I had dinner (more on that in a moment) and, I’m afraid, I am unable to report on the ending because I fell asleep before it ended which, I have to say, was a welcome relief! I can completely understand why Frances McDormand won an Oscar for enduring her part in the film but I fail to see how the film itself could have been nominated or shortlisted for an Oscar!

Duck in a star anise sauce with mashed potato and marinated fennel. Lovely!

About an hour and a half into the flight dinner was served. Prior to this we had been served with aperitifs and nibbles. There was a choice of four starters, five main courses, three desserts and four different cheese platters. These were preceded by an ‘amuse bouche’ (amuse bouche is of French origin meaning ‘something to amuse the mouth’ or, as we would say, ‘tickle the taste buds’, before embarking on a meal). On this occasion the amuse bouche was a selection of dried meats (sometimes called a ‘charcuterie’) with olive and cheese – it was, frankly, sufficient as a starter in its own right! I chose a crab salad as a starter and Captain Clarke had the butternut squash soup. Both were thoroughly delicious! I then chose a main course of duck in a star anise sauce and Captain Clarke chose the lamb rogan josh. Again, both were excellent. These were washed down with some vintage red French wine which was sublime. I’m afraid that, when it came to dessert, I found myself forced to decline on two grounds – 1) I don’t do desserts and 2) I was full up! Captain Clarke also declined dessert but ordered himself a coffee and a brandy – the brandy was about the size that I could swim in but he managed to force it down!

A small cheese board and half a vat of port!

I did, however, decide to try a little cheese. I didn’t choose one of the four cheese boards, I asked our stewardess to choose one for me. She made a fine choice! When it arrived, I was equally surprised to find that it came with a large vat of port which I had to pass over for Captain Clarke to try as port in that quantity does not agree with me at all. I should make a point about staff here. There are twelve seats in First Class on our particular aeroplane (a Boeing 777) and, to serve these twelve seats there were six staff. No wonder First Class normally costs so much! Having successfully consumed dinner and thoroughly enjoyed it, I returned to the film that I was not enjoying. I always like to persevere with these things in case they get better but, frankly, it didn’t. As I mentioned earlier, I fell asleep before the end of the film but I can promise I will never return to it! One downside of falling asleep was that I did not get the benefit of my duvet. I must have awoken at some point after falling asleep because I had converted my seat to the full bed, but I clearly hadn’t done this with the aid of our stewardess because I didn’t have my duvet or pillow. When I awoke about an hour and a half before the plane landed, I realised this but equally realised that I had been comfortable enough with my cushion as a pillow and the spare blanket that we were given when we got on the aircraft.

Captain Clarke sporting his garland that we were both given to welcome us to India

I took a small breakfast (well actually a full English but I only ate half of it!) before our arrival in Delhi. Captain Clarke managed to force down the full English and, before we knew it, we had arrived. Since we were in First Class and they brought an air bridge to the very front of the aircraft (as well as one further down for those in stowage) we were first off the aircraft. We walked straight to the ‘e-Visa’ desks as we had been advised to do by our good friend Great Uncle Bulgaria who had passed through this airport only a few weeks ago. There was only one desk in operation and there were already people there but the man on the ‘e-Visa Medical’ desk beckoned us over and processed our visas. He was quite friendly and guided us through the process (I must say that us Brits taught the Indians bureaucracy incredibly well … they are very good at it!) and, once we had our visas we made our way towards baggage reclaim. We passed a gentleman who needed to see our newly stamped visa and, we were incredibly surprised when he looked at the visas, looked up at us and said, “Welcome to India, enjoy your stay”! Not what we were expecting at all from earlier reports. Our baggage was first off the belt (as you might expect) and we walked though Customs to find our guide. Captain Clarke did as he always does in airports – he marched off with a purpose in completely the wrong direction without any idea where he was going. I decided to look along the line of people holding up cards with people’s names on them and, when I saw one with both of our names on it, I decided to go and talk to the man. Sure enough, Rishel, our guide from the airport to our hotel was there to meet us.

This photo really doesn’t do the traffic jam and the chaos around it justice! We will get another at some point!

Rishel summoned our driver who arrived with the usual white people carrier (they always are in India for some reason) and our bags were loaded in whilst we were presented with a garland each to welcome us to India. Rishel explained that it was his job to meet us at the airport, come with us to our hotel and make sure we were checked in promptly and that our room was to our satisfaction. Someone else would be our guide whilst we were in Delhi and we would meet him later in the day. The journey from the airport took around one hour, largely due to a huge traffic jam which Rishel put down to a VIP being taken somewhere in the city for which the police would hold all of the traffic. Once we were on the move again the traffic was the usual Indian traffic chaos. Cars, trucks, motorbikes, tuk tuks, people, goats, monkeys and many other things come from all directions hooting their horns and mayhem ensues, but it all seems to somehow work! Rishel did fill us in on driving requirements in India. He said there are three essential requirements when driving in India; very good brakes, a very good horn … and very good luck! That says it all really. Every vehicle seems to have damage on it, but you never seem to see any accidents!

Our room is adequate for our needs!

On the way to our hotel we passed a huge military base – apparently the army occupy one side of the road and the airforce occupy the other. We passed embassies and ‘state houses’ (each state of India has a ‘state house’ in Delhi) and the Prime Minister’s residence which was heavily guarded and seemed to be absolutely huge! When we arrived at our hotel (The Clarridges) our bags were whipped away, we were security screened before being guided to a seating area in reception. We were told that our room would be ready in about five minutes – those of us who have been here before will know about ‘Indian Standard Time’ or IST as it is known and that five minutes could be anywhere between five minutes and five hours! Imagine our surprise when it turned out to be five minutes! We were taken to our room and our baggage appeared just a few minutes later. The room is adequate for our needs! Actually, it is stunning with a beautiful parquet floor, exquisite furnishings and everything is complimentary. We have been upgraded because the original room allocated to us wasn’t ready and Rishel explained to the hotel that this was unacceptable and we needed our room right away!

A small TV adorns one wall of our room. The bathroom is behind it.

Captain Clarke is, as I jot down these few words, making good use of the facilities and snoring like a warthog on a motorbike! To be fair though, we did land in India at the equivalent of twenty to three in the morning in our time and we only got about two hours sleep on the aircraft, so we have been up for the best part of 24 hours. I needed to get that flaming survey uploaded that I tried at home and at the airport last night. I thought that whilst I tried to upload it here, I would jot down a little about the beginnings of our latest adventure. The file uploaded perfectly first time from our hotel room which, in my opinion, tells us a lot about the poor state of our networks at home and a great deal about why India has one of the best mobile phone networks in the world! I shall now take a shower and freshen up before waking Captain Clarke and taking a stroll to the Khan Market which is, according to our guide, famous for selling just about everything and is only 1km from our hotel! I need to get some India cash (tips!) and there are apparently several ATMs at the market. I have a feeling that this is going to be quite an adventure – no more First Class flights until we return home but I think we’re going to have a lot of fun before then! Life is what you make it and, as I read recently a quote from the Dalai Lama, “If you think you’re too small to make a difference … try sleeping with a mosquito in the room!”. This latter, I do not intend to do … it’s RudyMenTerry!