Don’t Mention the War

I promised to tell you more about our hotel, so here we go. Firstly, I should explain, there is nothing fundamentally wrong with it, but …

Zena & Simon’s Hotel

The hotel is very large and a little impersonable, although we have got to know a couple of the staff, (in the bar, of course!).  On arrival we were welcomed at reception by Miguel. A very nice chap who was very helpful and gave us lots of information about the hotel, the island and things that are happening over the next week or so. Having checked into our room, which is OK, we went out to get something to eat. Having had a meal we returned to the hotel and went to the bar. This is where we made a bit of a discovery … there are a lot of Germans here! And when I say a lot, I mean a lot!!!! In the bar we also met Igor, (not his real name, but I can’t remember what it is), from Montenegro. Igor works for Iberostar in Montenegro and has come to this hotel for a one month course on the new bar system that is going to be implemented in his hotel. Unfortunately, he doesn’t speak Spanish or German, but his Russian is excellent!! He does also speak English and he has been glad to speak to us because it was only his second day and he was feeling a little lost. We also met Ernesto and Miriam, (both Spanish bar staff … she’s bonkers but great fun!).

Poinsettias in the entrance to Zena & Simon’s Hotel

Having had a drink in the bar, we returned to our room and slept reasonably well, (although as I mentioned previously a little chilly because we couldn’t turn the air conditioning off). On waking and visiting the restaurant for breakfast, the extent of the German occupation became evident! All of the food is geared towards a German taste. Frankfurter for sausages, (no real sausages), potatoes with cream, (a particular German favourite I recall from my time in Munchen), fatty bacon and brot, (utterly disgusting bread that is so dense you could build factories with it!). Rather mistakenly, (being of a gentle constitution), I took of this breakfast and paid for it for the rest of the day. I am not a great fan of German food, (or much else that is German if I’m honest … except their cars).

Zena & Simon’s Pool

Following breakfast we decided to go and find the hotel that the lovely Zena and Simon have booked for their summer holiday. I have to be totally honest, it is much nicer than ours and doesn’t appear to be suffering from the same German invasion! It is only a 10 minute walk from our hotel and it was very pleasant. Having been to see their hotel, we decided to walk down to the beach and then back to the hotel. The beach is only about 100 metres from their hotel and there is a promenade that runs all the way to Los Cristianos which is some distance away. We walked along the promenade and thoroughly enjoyed it. There are lots and lots of bars and restaurants, some better than others, (we even found an Elvis bar!), but it was a nice walk. We stopped off for a drink before returning to our hotel, (we knew we had walked past it, but weren’t sure how far), when we eventually returned to the hotel it transpired we had walked over 4 miles! (There’s an app for everything nowadays!)

Captain Clarke in Zena & Simon’s Reception

On our return to the hotel, we took to the pool bar for a spot of lunch. I was still suffering from the morning’s assault on my stomach, so Captain Clarke ordered a glass of wine. We both decided on the ‘house special’ salad. I had a small portion and Captain Clarke had the large. It was delicious! Despite the menu being dominated with frankfurters and sauerkraut, the salad was really superb and I may have it again today! After Captain Clarke had consumed another glass of wine, (server by Mad Miriam as I now think of her), we retired to the room where Captain Clarke found it necessary to lie down and inspect the inside of his eyes!

A marina on our walk

The afternoon ebbed away and we found ourselves getting ready to go out and eat. Half way between our hotel and Zena and Simon’s is a restaurant called Azar, (it has free Wifi by the way, which is much faster than the Wifi in this hotel!). We enjoyed what is probably the most expensive meal we have eaten in our two visits to Tenerife at just under £50 for the two of us, which included two very large whiskeys to begin, wine with the meal, coffee and a very large brandy for Captain Clarke at the end. I had ‘Conejo a la Canaria’ which they translate as Rabbit

Two Small Whiskeys!

Canarian Style. I don’t really care what they call it, it was one of the most delicious – no exquisite – meals I have ever had! It was stunning. The rabbit was cooked in a slightly piquant tomato based sauce but was beautifully tender and utterly superb! Captain Clarke had salmon which he reported was wonderfully moist and thoroughly delicious too. We will certainly be returning to the Azar before we leave the island!

On returning to the hotel, we decided to pop into the bar for a nightcap. There we met Igor again and also Ernesto, who I think is the bar manager. We ordered our drinks and before very long we found ourselves being spoken at by a German. Actually, he turned out to be OK. Now, for the sake of keeping names discrete, let’s call him Adolf.

The Restaurant Azar

He lives in mainland Spain and speaks Spanish, English, French and, apparently, German. He is here with his wife on holiday, (all inclusive judging by his red wrist band), and loves the Spanish way of life. He explained to us that he has discovered, “Zat ze Germans haff no sense of humour” – blimey, he must be related to Sherlock Holmes! He told us that when he goes back to Germany he cannot wait to leave again … I agreed with this whole heartedly! He was actually quite pleasant, (I am now questioning his German heritage), and quite an interesting man to talk to. But as my good friend Great Uncle Bulgaria would say, ‘don’t let facts get in the way of a good story’!

And so, to today. We are off this morning to a local market. It is only a 10 minute walk away and should be quite interesting. As for the rest of the day, who knows. One thing is certain … whatever we do, it will be RudyMenTerry!